Written by co-founder Serina Ahmad - without the use of ChatGPT. I promise I remember how to spell.
Ah Valentine’s Day - the most romantic and awkward day of the year. For those of you fortunate enough to be officially single, or officially official with someone, it’s a wonderful day full of love, whether that comes from friends or from a partner. However, if you’re like me and have been diagnosed with terminal commitment issues, or you are so unlucky to be seeing someone with said issues, you may have found yourself in a situationship or two on this particular holiday.
A situationship, per the Cambridge English Dictionary (seriously?) is "a romantic relationship between two people who do not yet consider themselves a couple but who have more than a friendship.” You may be very clear about your situationship status, or you may have found yourself in one unwittingly, but regardless, the “rules” about how to spend Valentine’s Day in this scenario are very unclear.
First thing to figure out: are you in a situationship that you want to turn into a relationship, or are you genuinely happy to shirk labels and freestyle?
This first point is for the baddies who find themselves dating multiple people at once - whether it’s because you’re in the early dating stages or you’re just a total Samantha, many of us have been here. This is a moment to look inward. To ask yourself truly and honestly: what do I want? Because if you don’t know – spoiler alert – you may send some unfair signals.
However, if you want to turn your situationship into a real relationship and think that a Valentine’s date is the perfect way to figure out whether the person you like sees a future with you, read ahead to learn why that is NOT a good idea.
Pro Tip: don’t clear the roster until you and your favourite one are officially exclusively dating (if that’s what you want).
Valentine’s Day is a day for people to express their feelings for each other, and unlike a loving relationship, a situationship almost always involves unexpressed feelings or a complete lack thereof. Whether you’re the one who really likes the other person but is trying to play it cool, or you’re the person enjoying your situationship’s company and not wanting anything to change, it’s hard to know how to navigate an already tricky dynamic when there is so much weight attached to the holiday.
My terrible advice to you? Skip the damn day altogether. I am being so serious with you - skip the whole damn day and treat it like the bitch of a Wednesday it is.
Am I just crotchety and jaded? Yes. Am I still right? Probably. I made the mistake of saying yes to a Valentine’s Day situationship date and was a complete disaster. Do not be like me. When I was in university, I was dating two very nice boys at the same time. A handsome, brilliant Classics student/poetry enthusiast invited me to our school’s Valentine’s Ball, and a sweet, charming drummer I met on a film set in Italy invited me out for dinner. Both events were to take place on the night in question - Feb 14th. I had only been seeing them both for a few weeks and hadn’t really made up my mind about which one I liked better. At this point I’d been seeing the drummer for longer (3 weeks versus 2), so I accepted his invitation.
Long story short, the drummer and I had a super weird night where we smoked a joint and walked around in the cold for like 3 hours because he “needed to buy a toothbrush” urgently. I don’t know why this took 3 hours. He proceeded to leave said toothbrush at my apartment, tell his parents about me, and drunk dial me 14 times when he was on a night out because he wanted to see me (meanwhile, I was at a show with the Classics student). Clearly, my acceptance of a Valentine’s invite indicated to him, through no fault of his own and a lack of good communication on my part, that I was now his Girlfriend™️.
To me, spending Valentine’s Day with the drummer meant nothing - it was just another date. I invited him over to get stoned, eat pizza, and watch a movie, aka the least romantic date ever made even less romantic by the weird, frigid walk. To him, the mere fact that we spent that particular evening together meant that we were heading down Relationship Avenue. That wasn’t something I was ready for or wanted at the time, so 10 days later I broke it off over the phone.
Valentine’s Day is not a sneaky, low-stakes way to find out “what you are” without having to ask directly. People have a multitude of ideas about what the day represents. For some, it means “I really like you and see a future with you”, and for others it means “yeah sure, I’m free to hang that night.” The only way to figure out the dynamic is and always will be through a conversation with the person you’re seeing.
If you know that you want a real relationship with the person you’re thinking about as you read this, then the best thing to do is to tell them that. If it works out, you get to date the person you like! And if it doesn’t, then at least you know where you stand and can find someone who wants the same things you do. There are 364 other days in the year that you can turn into a romantic, special, or fun night without Hallmark’s added pressure and there is no reason to rush a conversation in order to know what you are before the arbitrary date of February 14th.
I do not claim to be a good person, but I do want to help y’all out. If you’ve made it this far, and are happy to continue with the status quo of your situationship, do not set any dates on February 14th. Stay home and stay off the streets - heaven knows I should have. For those of you out there who want to ask your situationship out on Valentine’s Day because you really like them, imagine that the person you’re asking out thinks like second-year university Serina. Don’t do that to yourself.
Whatever or whoever you decide to do this V-Day, remember to be safe and get tested! PSA: people like getting flowers and chocolates a lot more than getting the clap.